How do you tell the story of a story you cannot tell? One where there is no happy ending, no winners, just different levels of losers. This narrator decides to disguise it a little. During a one-sided running argument with his lawyer he invents a trial that cannot be reported. That needs an unbelievable trial. An Escher-like court. The prosecuting counsel appears to be a nine-foot high vulture wearing what looks like a budgie as a wig; the defence counsel is short and roly-poly and wears a huge bright-blue-rinse wig . The defendant is Norah the Nose, the litigant Edgar The Ears. The jury includes a Quiet American, Miss Strawberry Mousse, The Major, Hugo The Accountant, Miss F, Miss F's Mother, Mr Sleepy, Vicar Preachy, Mrs Baggs, Mrs Plum, a Prim Maiden Aunt, Clowns named Clyde and Bonnie, and a Nun With Guitar who speaks in a deep Russian accent and wears Goth make-up and tight-fitting sequinned habits which shimmer with thousands of blinking, winking dots.

The trial, the narrator decides, was about A Book: the prosecution claims that it is A Pack Of Lies; the defence insist it's A Work Of Fiction. The narrator insinuates himself with the jury to either convince them to come to the right verdict or to steal a copy of The Book. He is hampered by a group of people who are attending a shy bunnies convention who accidentally get in his way, amongst them Sad Sid, Matilda, Bunny Blue, Bunny Bacchus and Bunny Evil.

In addition someone appears to be killing the jury off one by one. Almost all of them have been victims of, or involved with, Edgar the Ears at some stage but most refuse to openly admit how, resorting instead to their own disguised stories. For the Major it was being forced to resign over the contract for Exploding Bully Beef. The Quiet American won't confirm that he might once have been involved in the sale of ____s and consequently hounded out of town. Miss Strawberry Mousse might have been blackmailed because she sold Edgar the Ears illegal profiteroles. Vicar Preachy is suffering eternal regret after he was forced at gunpoint to give Edgar the Ears a blanket absolution. The Nun With Guitar confesses to conning Edgar into paying a large amount for an ordinary guitar.

The narrator falls for the Nun With Guitar, but finds the notion of nun-attraction disturbing. She repeatedly invites him to come to her room, number thirteen. He knows there is no such room. It's always ... 11 ... 12 ... ... 14 ... 15 ... There never is a … 13 … . He tries to interpret the Nun With Guitar's invitations in that light, but fails. She remains a beautiful, unimaginable, incomprehensible, unholy infatuation. Towards the end, Bunny Evil, with whom he has been reconciled after previously ambushing him and punching him in the kidneys, confirms this as they share a bottle of vodka over a recumbent Bunny Bacchus: "They get your hopes up. But you're right, there is no 13."

In the end he loses the Nun With Guitar: she really had been in No 13 all along. But he acquires a copy of The Book ...

Unfortunately ...

Finally he relents and agrees to have a happy ending.