The seventh in the FFSG series.

Detective Inspector Frieda Summers is a woman used to getting her own way. On this occasion she is determined that her new husband will, following a severe anaphylactic shock, take things easy and avoid all police work until his test results come through. Said new husband, Detective Inspector Frank Summers, is used to agreeing with a polite and amenable smile before going on to do what he intended to do in the first place. And in this case he is determined to sort out whoever is behind what appears to be a series of attacks on little old ladies. Both their aims become increasingly frustrated by various groups emanating not only from within Wellbury but also from outside.

There's The Cult of The Clueless (TCoTC), led by Seumas O'Brien-O'Murphy-O'Connor-O, supported by his friend and drinking buddy Jaimie. All they profess to want is the right to be ignorant in the face of unceasingly certain religious groups. They obviously fully intend to be as polite, charming and agreeable for as long as it takes to start a fight.

Then there's The Old Birds' army, or TOBS for short, led by Georgette Scythe a woman who resembles a little old lady in the same way an avalanche resembles a few grains of sand. Her sidekick, Miss Mildred Smith, really is a little old lady, and wishes to stay so, unless anyone mentions cyclists, whereupon she begins sharpening her knitting needles.

The Religious Once, on the other hand, are demanding respect for their belief in tolerance, a belief they are prepared to kill for. They are led by Deacon David Danish of the Ultra Reformed Faith, and his curious sidekick, Mohammed Mitzi Mohamet Bruce Mohumed Muhamed Jack Black Mohomed Smith Muhamet Sundance Kid of the East Wellbury mosque, someone whose greatest boast is that he named himself.

In the background float a motley collection of New Agers and Old Hippies in search of the (newly) famous Wellbury ley lines. Not to mention the Hipsters upsetting the locals by gentrifying the Old Town.

In the middle of this someone calling himself A Mason (or possibly "A Sandwich" from the scrawl) sends Frank a double chess set and challenges him to a game, the moves to be exchanged by e-mail. As each move comes in it appears the Mason is becoming more and more threatening. What else could, for example, "Vengeance is mine saith the lard", or "Beware the crooks, Inspector" mean? And how does he know Frank is banned from the police station, and how did he discover Frieda's e-mail address?

Time is running out. The Religious Once have been given permission to hold their demonstration demanding respect for their tolerance, and thousands are expected. The Cult of The Clueless (TCoTC) have gathered their own supporters, including a master Ranter, and they intend to be there politely counter-demonstrating, or impolitely if possible. The Old Birds' army have built their legions, trained in the art of vicious hand-to-hand and anything-that-comes-to-hand fighting, and they've got their sights on the Religious Once, following the TOBs motto, "Woe to the man who suggests Georgette Scythe (or any other woman for that matter) might not be superior to a man."

Frank can just about handle all this and cooking dinner. But Frieda's insistence on house-hunting at the same time could just be the last straw.