The eighth in the FFSG series.

Police Sergeant William Gote arrives at his new posting in Wellbury fore-armed with knowledge. An overheard conversation has revealed to him that the officers at his new posting are relentless, masterful and ruthless practical jokers who know some seriously nasty tricks with eggs. He is determined that they will not succeed with him, and his former military career has prepared him for a long, drawn-out campaign of patience. The officers of Wellbury police force, unaware that they hold such marvellous powers, continue their normal, uncomplicated friendliness to a new colleague, something which convinces Gote that the waters in Wellbury run very deep indeed.

At the same time Detective Inspectors Frank and Frieda Summers are engrossed in their own world. Frieda is pregnant with Baby, their first child. Unborn Baby rules the roost, at home and down the station. Frank is also pitting his minimal DIY skills against the new house they have bought, a house only affordable because of a long period of neglect. While idly tapping some plaster with a masonry chisel Frank opens up a little alcove in a flurry of bricks, to reveal a skull, a book and a strange ceramic object. The object turns out to be a copy of Marcel Duchamp's famous Fountain of 1917, known to normal people as a urinal. But then comes the suggestion: what if this isn't a copy, but is indeed the original created in 1917? It would be worth millions of pounds, if indeed any price could be put on it.

Frank and Frieda's attempts to contain this news story go for naught and soon there is interest from around the world. At the same time the manager of Binkertys Baby Food receives an extortion note: pay up or bottles of Binkertys will be found to contain hazardous substances. This is a much greater threat: the expensive and highly desirable Binkertys Baby Food was to have been Baby's food of choice, partly because only the best was good enough for Baby, and also Baby had (somehow) made his or her wishes already known, and nobody questions Baby's wishes.

An expert comes down from the Tate Modern in London to pronounce the Wellbury Fountain a fake. Or at least that was the plan. Instead Professor Sabine Bogenspurge declares to her own amazement that the Wellbury Fountain is undoubtedly the work of the illustrious Marcel Duchamp.

Frank hatches a plan to capture the extortionist in the act of collecting the ransom money. In the middle of a crowd of wigged football supporters it fails.

There is one bright spot: Frank and Frieda's search for reliable, trustworthy, competent builders appears to be answered. Pete and Paddy have just moved into the area from London and are friendly, efficient and charge extremely reasonable prices. But was there any coincidence to the timing of their appearance?

Not all is lost on the Fountain front: another expert muscles her way in, Doctor Sam Hunter, a Fine Arts academic specialising in modern art. She too declares the Fountain to be the original: but not that of Marcel Duchamp, instead she claims it is the work of feminist trail-blazer Baroness Elsa von Freytag-Loringhoven, stolen by Marcel Duchamp.

And so Frank, Frieda, Susan and Gertie slowly forge on, laying traps for the Binkertys extortionist while trying to keep the Fountain safe from an unknown criminal or criminals who seem to always be one step behind the Fountain's latest safe hiding space. While Frank devises a plane to neutralise the extortionist, in the end it is Sergeant Gote who steps out of the shadows to defeat the would-be Fountain thief, though how he did that he will never know.